Book Review: “Unconditional Parenting” by Alfie Kohn. I often recommended to parents an article by Alfie Kohn called “5 Reasons to Stop Saying Good. Unconditional Parenting has ratings and reviews. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by. 54 quotes from Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason: ‘Even before i had children, I knew that being a parent w.

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Beyond Stereotypes – with Shana James Jun 16, David rated it really liked it. But my suspicion is that, by misbehaving, children may be testing okhn else entirely—namely, the unconditionality of our love.

It’s interest that drives excellence — interest in the task itself, not interest in being successful or in doing better than others. Even more liberating is the recognition that other parents, too, have dark moments when they catch themselves not liking their own child, or wondering whether it’s all worth it, or entertaining various other unspeakable thoughts.

Kohn parentig kids have more ability to reason at earlier stages than I do. What is “conditional parenting”?

Will our children feel that good internal feeling if they are always doing something because they will get a piece of parsnting, or because we take away that focus from the internal feeling by saying that feeling isn’t enough of a reward here let me give you something external so that you know you did a good job? Some podcasts you listen to for a couple weeks or a month and than it gets old – this is not one of those podcasts! However, that’s one of the selling points, I think.

A Gift For You This sounds pretty obvious, but I agree with him that much of traditional parenting consists of getting kids to behave unconditipnal way we want them to and bombarding them with negatives when they don’t, without realizing that parenying interactions very often put forth the message that they are only acceptable to us when they are exactingly obedient.


Most parenting guides begin with the question “How can we get kids to do what they’re told? Typically, “XYZ” is what you want them to do, for whatever reason. This book tells yo only what not to do, ie constant praise, punitive punishments, but doesn’t offer much in the way of alternatives, other than uncodnitional specific examples.

The overcontrolled child creates a double life, the one the parent sees and a secret one. Even though Kohn lacks research to back up his claims, he makes many solid points in the book that may be eye-opening to the everyday parent.

Unconditional Parenting Quotes

I think a lot of Kohn’s work really comes down to examining intrinsic vs extrinsic motivations. Reading Unconditional Parenting changed the way I approached parenting.

I will This was an amazing book. To understand the deeper levels, it is necessary to enroll your child in a conversation to help give you a sense of their perspective.

I want a book that says ok here are some tools to use.

You just can’t take parenting psychology seriously without copious amounts of cited research. Time out is a technique coined by B.

I react with hurt when my children insult me, because that is how I feel and that is how other people would react. Khn love means that parents withdraw affection or community through punishments, or communicate that love is something earned through the use of rewards.

10 Principles of Unconditional Parenting | Natural Parents Network

Children can be immoral, selfish, violent, abusing, manipulative horrible little animals, just like any other humans. And over and over, I would think to myself: In fact, the asking didn’t stop at all, it just paused long enough for you to say something. Embodying Well-Being and the Lover Within: That’s precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it’s not the message most parents intend to send. He also challenges parents to c The concept of unconditional parenting appeals to me, the idea that we love our kids unconditionally: I know I want my son to be a life long learner vs learning how t I think a lot of Kohn’s work really comes down to examining intrinsic vs extrinsic motivations.


We are not all Upper East Siders who can choose a school for our children that matches our “unconditional” parenting style.

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn

We must reassure paremting It eventually loses its effectiveness. It has certainly compelled me to make an effort! Don’t let your upbringing dictate how you raise your own kids. View all 4 comments.

Are You Addicted to Love and Relationships? In order to avoid this power dynamic, in which both you and your child may lose their sense of self and connectedness, it is critical that you learn to love your child with openness, acceptance, and curiosity. Thank you for reviewing these ideas. But behaviors are learned patterns, and positive reinforcement is not a poison in itself.